Blackboard punishment

As compiled by Matt

Since I have a ton of homework and coursework to do, I have just listed the funniest blackboard lines that Bart has written, weighted toward the older episodes. It's hard to compose a database of all of Bart's words of wisdom, as there are over 300 Simpsons episodes shown to date.

You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way.

I will not instigate revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
High explosives and school don't mix
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not carve gods
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not conduct my own fire drills
Funny noises are not funny
I will not spin the turtle
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizures
This punishment is not boring and pointless
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell miracle cures
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
I will not strut around like I own the place
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
Nerve gas is not a toy
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
The First Amendment does not cover burping
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
No one wants to hear from my armpits
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The boys room is not a water park
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I am not certified to remove asbestos
I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
I am not my long-lost twin
I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
I will not lie in front of the school bus with ketchup on my face
A fire drill does not demand a fire
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
Shooting paintballs is not an art form
My butt does not deserve a website
"butt.butt" is not my E-mail address
"The President did it" is not an excuse
It does not suck to be you
I have neither been there nor done that
Fridays are not "pants optional"
I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
I won't not use no double negatives
I can't see dead people
My suspension was not "mutual"
A belch is not an oral report
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
I was not touched "there" by an angel
I am not here on a fartball scholarship
I will not dance on anyone's grave
I cannot hire a substitute student
I will not obey the voices in my head
I will not surprise the incontinent
I was not the sixth Beatle
I will only provide a urine sample when asked
Science class should not end in tragedy
I will not "let the dogs out"
I will not hide the teacher's medication
The hamster did not have "a full life"
I will not flush evidence
I should not be twenty-one by now (He would be 21 in the 12th season if he was 10 in the first season, which ended in 1990, and he aged normally)
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive

Much of this data shamelessly stolen from Area 51 New Mexico

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