Blackboard punishment

As compiled by Matt

Since I have a ton of homework and coursework to do, I have just listed the funniest blackboard lines that Bart has written, weighted toward the older episodes. It's hard to compose a database of all of Bart's words of wisdom, as there are over 300 Simpsons episodes shown to date.

You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.

I will not instigate revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
High explosives and school don't mix
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not carve gods
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not conduct my own fire drills
Funny noises are not funny
I will not spin the turtle
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizures
This punishment is not boring and pointless
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell miracle cures
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
I will not strut around like I own the place
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
Nerve gas is not a toy
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
The First Amendment does not cover burping
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
No one wants to hear from my armpits
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The boys room is not a water park
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I am not certified to remove asbestos
I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
I am not my long-lost twin
I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
I will not lie in front of the school bus with ketchup on my face
A fire drill does not demand a fire
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
Shooting paintballs is not an art form
My butt does not deserve a website
"butt.butt" is not my E-mail address
"The President did it" is not an excuse
It does not suck to be you
I have neither been there nor done that
Fridays are not "pants optional"
I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
I won't not use no double negatives
I can't see dead people
My suspension was not "mutual"
A belch is not an oral report
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
I was not touched "there" by an angel
I am not here on a fartball scholarship
I will not dance on anyone's grave
I cannot hire a substitute student
I will not obey the voices in my head
I will not surprise the incontinent
I was not the sixth Beatle
I will only provide a urine sample when asked
Science class should not end in tragedy
I will not "let the dogs out"
I will not hide the teacher's medication
The hamster did not have "a full life"
I will not flush evidence
I should not be twenty-one by now (He would be 21 in the 12th season if he was 10 in the first season, which ended in 1990, and he aged normally)
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive

Much of this data shamelessly stolen from Area 51 New Mexico

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